Can't go back to sleep

Don't you just hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly after a nightmare. It is a night that you just need your sleep the most, as the next day is a Friday and you need all your energy reserve to be swamped by lots and lots of housechores during the weekend.
Here's what happened....I had applied for a new job and I was pretty sure that it'd be a success, just to go through some procedures. That night I had a dream that I received an offer letter, there it stated my new salary which was about 1/2 of what I'm earning now (ok now, what can be scarier than that?). I was so shocked, and it just jerked me out from my slumber. It took me a few seconds to think of who was I, and why I was there at that time. It did not take long when it dawned on me that I'm now a wife to a man, a mother to two little girls, an auntie to many other kids, a daughter to two lovely parents, an employee with load of responsibilities and no longer a free, young, tomboyish, independant, young gal.

After realising that, I thought I really had to go back to sleep. It was 3.30 am and I tried to console myself that I could doze off in no time at all. But in the dark,with some moonlight outside the window, I could see my beautiful sleeping baby next to me on the toddler bed, heard the snore from hubby and the soft breahing of my first daughter next to him, on the other bed. The toddler bed was meant for Bea1 but we are still working on getting her to sleep alone in it. The queen bed can't accomodate the 4 of us, so I end up on the small bed with the baby. It is some space-saving idea from IKEA, an extendable bed but it fits me (and the baby) just right at its medium length.

A few minutes passed, and I thought I was going nowhere near to doze off. Got up, squeezed myself in between Bea1 and hubby, maybe some warmth from hubby could help....nope that did not work either, started counting sheeps, it was getting nowhere....let's think about boring stuffs, think about work...well, how come even after the co. spent RM19k to replace the guntip, the electron microscope was still giving us headache, no no not that....ok, what about the juicy gossips in the office....urgh, started to bury head in the pillow. Very well then, it was fated that I was not supposed to sleep at that time....better put this in good use. My mind wandered to my parents, and my endless love to them, each one of my 11 siblings, my beautiful childhood, my school days, U days, Rotu days, courting days, geological fieldtrips, being alone in the UK, how at one time in my life I told my then-fiance that I have everything that I could not ask for more, the first few days of being a mom, a charity project that me and a group of mothers are planning and now....my whole life was seemed to be in front of my eyes.

All the journey down memory lane was disturbed by Bea2, she needed me at her side...I hold her close to me and thought how wonderful it was to have her. Soon after that, I heard Azan for the prayer from the nearest mosque. That was it....21/2 hour of much-needed sleep was gone. First I cursed myself for not using the time to fold the laundry, sweep and mop the floor, clean the other room, and in that time my washer could finish one big load and I would have finish hang the laundry or maybe make a nice breakfast to tapau to the offices for myself and hubby and to the babysitter's for the girls. But hey, I was fated to stay in bed to have some very peaceful time for myself....I'm grateful if I have a few minutes away alone everyday, but I got 21/2 hours that morning. I read an article about how some people escaped the 9/11 tragedy of some little things that happened that morning. A guy's turn to buy doughnuts for his colleagues, another guy was in new shoes, got a blister and had to stop at a pharmacy, another had his daughter's first day in school....all of little things that made them late to arrive to their offices in the towers, and subsequently saved them from the tragedy.
That really humbles me down, and I heard less and less complaints when I'm stuck in hellish traffic jams, and when the girls refuse to get out of the playground we let them play a little while, when hubby is late to come out from the office etc. So, I was really meant to stay wide awake in bed on that morning!

I got to know about blogging many months ago thru some friends, but never really gave a serious thought about starting on my own. Then, I started reading others blog and had the momentum to start, but later found a lot of other interesting blogs and keep myself occupied reading them that I do not have time to even finish my first blog. I started writing this on Feb 18. I had a few more sleepless nights after some nightmares: my parents' house in kampung engulfed in fire, hubby got a sexy, new wife and an actress summore...but obviously it was for sex as all his love was for me (hubby laughed very hard at this, saying that it was not a nightmare at all) and a few more. All this kind of dreams (and comes one after another) only mean one thing to me...it could be some indications of some hormonal change. With all other changes that I was having, I had the courage to do a pregnancy test. And yes, I'm now expecting my 3rd baby. By the time I finished writing this, I'm in my 12th week. I was thinking to change my username (as now no longer mama to only 2 beas) but still no idea. I'm happy if I finally can submit this as my first entry (I've commented other people blogs and they asked me why my link is not working...ya la, I've not activated it), and worry about the name later. I love to put links of the blogs that I'm enjoying but do not know how...I will slowly learn.