Wednesday, July 23, 2008

On an emotional roller coaster

I just jumped and started writing after looking at about the positive results on the pregnancy test stick, just as I did for all previous pregnancies. I know a lot of people who'd rather wait for 'things' to really confirm. I mean for example after the 12th week.

Well, actually I've been having brown discharge a few days after we reached UK. I never didn't think it was a period as it looked different. It was little, though. Didn't really alarm me.

Then, 2 weeks after first getting it, I got the positive result. It didn't stop, and I just thought "I should not have been so excited" and later didn't really know how to react to those wonderful congrats notes from friends and some wonderful bloggers that first commented here.

I went to my ob/gynea on previous Monday. According to the calculation, I was supposed to be 7 week but the scan showed 5 weeks. Except for gestational sac, nothing much can be seen. A bit alarmed but the doc said we might get the dating wrong. To make things more blurred, I was just too busy prior to the trip that I could not really recall when the possibility of conception to happen.

Another check-up was scheduled in a week. The discharge ceased that day, I was all positive. It came in a bigger patch the next day, I was devastated and called my sister, saying that this pregnancy was not meant to be. Got scolded, she said I don't say that unless I got fresh red blood gushing out me.

I thought I was well-informed about miscarriage, it is just too common, a lot of people I know went through it. But it is nothing compared to when I feel that I might be at risk, the thought about losing what's already in me, the thought of having the 5th one in my arms early next year, and in that few days I'd already planned a lot of things. I cried once when I was alone and continue taking folic acid.

The doc said just wait, but I could not. Did a lot of reading, did a lot of recalculations and could not really work.

Did another scan on Monday. This time vaginal scan, and it showed the sac has grown a bit. We could see fetal pole, overall it looked good but again at this stage, not much can be seen, no heartbeat detected. I was given dyphaston and another check-up is due in two weeks.

Some things that are troubling me:
If I'm really 6 week, that means conception happened in the UK. In that case I have missed a period but ovulated, anyway after that. My period was haywire, thought due to the stress prior to the trip.
I did the test when I was only 4+ week (and only like 10 days after conception) and the line on the stick was already so clear. From past experience, at this stage I only got blur line.
Anyway, maybe the cheap stick is just too sensitive.
About 10 days after the first test, I did again just in case the hormone ceased (a sign of miscarriage) but it was still as clear.

Can't really depend on symptons as I normally had none.

Anyway, I'm done with worrying, I may continue to worry the whole of this pregnancy but I try not to. As for yesterday and today, discharge was almost gone and turned to whitish. Now, I'm taking a good care of myself and the baby, looking forward to see heartbeat in 12 days and I just pray hard that everything will be ok.

Now I know how to react to the comments from previous entry, and I'm putting them here:

amira shasmeen said... and I am so totally amused anad in awe of you, Ros ... I am still very nervous with the arrival of my second one ..and here u r,... so jolly jolly with the news of your fifth .... I think I might be running out of hats already to take off to you. Alhamdulillah and hope both of us have a smooth sailing journey .... Insyaallah..Lyza
5:01 PM

Now, you know that I was not really that jolly. Anyway, now Alhamdulillah...think doing this together with you is fun-ner!

chanelwong said...
Congrats to you !!!!!
6:46 PM

Thanks Chanel, and your words are really comforting.

eida said...
murah rezeki betul la...tahniahjgn lupa tambah ticker
11:51 PM

I like it when people refers this to murah rezeki, Eida...last time I checked, I didn't have enough space for another ticker already!

a&a'smom said...
Congratssssssssssssss!! I really dont know how u can do it all, Tabik!! May u have a safe & smooth sailing pregnancy
3:13 PM

Thanks a&a's mom, this really has to do with the word murah rezeki...God provides!

Yatie said...
ros... congratssss........... alhamdulillah..rezeki bertambah...nampaknye satu kapal dgn my sis...
1:28 PM

Yatie, I need more from moms with 5 and more kids, even knowing that some other mothers has more is good enough.

beckysmum said...
Congratulation!!! So happy for you!
4:39 PM

Beckysmum...thanks, and pregnancy always brings joy right!

lilian said...
FIVE EKS MOM!!!!!!! Or is it SIX EKS MOM????Wuah, so happy for you. Congrats banyak-banyak.
11:10 PM

Lil...thanks, 5 not 6, confirmed it is singleton!

Madre said...
congratulations! I really admire you! Been reading ur post on mymomsbest on breastfeeding. Am truly inspired by your dedication.:) a silent reader
10:48 AM

Thanks Madre...didn't know I have new reader with this humble blog, anyway what I shared in MMB is really comes from passion and it is fun when it helps.

WMD: Wife, Mother, Daughter said...
Wow Congrats. Long time no drop by, skali drop by...another new addition(s) to the family. Take care,
11:11 AM

WMD...hehe, I'm also surprised ok!

mjey said...
Ros - I just dunno how you do it! Really man!! CONGRATULATIONS!!....SALUTE U!
4:22 PM

mjey...thanks and I just do it and feel blessed.

Moo mommy said...
Oh... congrates... another 5X mom! tabik tabik...
4:37 PM

Thanks Moo mommy...yes I want to be on par with her la;)

Mommy Hafiy said...
congrats!doing bloghopping n found yours!congrats again..tabik lah!
5:31 PM

Thanks Mommy Hafiy and thanks for hoping in!

mumsgather said...
Congratulations! Now you'll have more and more love to spread around your home. :)
6:42 PM

MG...I just love the way you express it!

mamanuzulnzaid said...
ros... congrats... macam tak percaya je you pregnant lagi... tahniah sekali lagi... murahnye rezeki...
12:37 AM

mamanuzulnzaid...of all the babies, this one really caught me off guard, for some time before I really calm down.

bluewonder said...
salam,been a long time since I dropped by your blog..tak sangka lak ada berita menggembirakan.anyway congrats. hope u'll have an easy pregnancy. Dont worry they all grow up very no 5 which I delivered end of 2006 is running around time flies...take care

bluewonder...yes, I need these words from momof5 or more, yes they grow up fast and before I know it I start missing to have another baby again!

That's it, I will be my usual self from now on and feel blessed with yet another most amazing thing that could happen to every woman: motherhood!

And I will continue with lots of pics (we have around 3000!) from the trip.


Anonymous a&a'smom said...

Ros, good that u r taking care of urself & rest leave it in God's hands. Take care

4:26 PM  
Anonymous mrs b said...

glad its ok. i got a bit worried after hearing of your spotting. I once had an colleague who had spotting in the initial term but carried the baby to full term. Take care ya.

4:52 PM  
Anonymous MG said...

I had spotting for my first, in fact not just spotting but fresh bleeding too. I was so worried and scolded myself. Maybe I slept in a room that was too hot like sauna, maybe this maybe that but now I have a 6 going 7 year old. For my 3rd, I had a first faint line which became even more faint when I did a second test. It was a chemical pregnancy so now I'm blessed with just two as age and health does not permit. Pregnancy sure is an emotional ride. Take care and don't worry too much.

5:50 PM  
Blogger m said...

Thanks a&a's mom

Mrs B, yeah that's pretty common actually, but for a first-timer like me, scary also.

MG...yes, me too I thought it's the blue cheese broccoli soup that I had in the UK before knowing about the pregnancy. But actually the spotting statrted even before I conceived. It's still troubling of whatever happen in my body but don't want to think too much already. Anyway, thanks for sharing...I feel better each time I hear story about mothers had spotting but carried on with the pregnancy well.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Yatie said...

hi ros... jgn risau sgt. take care of yourself. and doa banyak -banyak.

11:20 AM  

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