Saturday, August 09, 2008

The drama continues....

I thought I would not update the blog about the pregnancy until certain time that I'm just ready to let it all out. But that may take a long time, I may forget the detail for whatever the outcome is, I till want to treasure the memory. And maybe, some mothers would also learn from this experience.

Ok, just to cut the long story short. After having that little brown discharge everyday for over a month, I finally had the first fresh red blood on last Saturday. I off course got devastated but tried to be calm as I'd been telling myself I would be ready for any outcome. It was heavier on Sunday but I never got any pain.

On Monday, I went to see the doc as scheduled. Upon looking at the scan, she confirmed that the fetus never grew, the gestational sac never really did develop from the 5week plus. She showed me white patches, outside the sac, blood that would be shed soon.

She decided on D&C but told her, I would do it at another hospital just to save some money. She wrote a referrel letter that went something like "....non-viable pregnancy, gestational sac 10+ week...5+ week, D&C as soon as possible".

During first visit to UMMC, I was told my case was not an emergency. I must qeue to have it done, and that would take at least a week. I was a bit surprised. I was also told that I would be checked again before any decision could be made, and must made an apointment for a date for the D&C. That was expected.

I was first checked by a medical officer, later by a gynea. Told to come again the next day, and see another gynea. I had to explain from A to Z to all 3 docs, and seriously I really got tired. The third one finally did the scan. The first thing that she mentioned was she could see the sac collapsing, and agreed that the size was just too small and further explained the white streak across the circle could be part of the collapsed wall. But later, she went on "But wait a minute....." and observed carefully again "This also could be a fetus!" and "No, no...we can't decide on D&C now". She measured the 'fetus' and annouced I could only be 7+ week, and it might be still early to detect the heartbeat.

I was staring at the ceiling, didn't know what to think but tried to act cool. I've been doing that for weeks, anyway.

The doc went to see another doc to discuss, and came back to explain I could only be 7+week, the dating could be off and asked me to wait for another week for next check-up. I should come to the hospital if I have heavier bleeding and pain.

The drama continues and some questions remain in my head....
1. It is just possible to me to be 7+week, as I suspected before, I missed June period but ovulated anyway. The earlier doc took May period as the last one to calculate the age of pregnancy. Still, is the pregnancy test stick so sensitive that it could detect hGC as early as 9 days after conception, or 5 days before due period (as always stated the best time to do the test).

2. I read and read...and yes, the sac was just too small. It should be double from what was shown in the scan. None of the docs mentioned yolk sac. Bleeding is not uncommon, my cousin shared that she had a 9-day 'period' at 5 weeks and contiued on healthy, now at 14 weeks. A little worry about the dyphaston that I'm taking. Doc asked to take 40mg at once and continued with one tab of 10 mg every 8 hours till bleeding subsides. If this is really not meant for me, would that prevent my body to 'miscarry' naturally?

Yeah...should have asked her earlier but I'd forgotten, as alway in that situation. Tried calling, but you know la UMMC is like government hospital also. Never got to talk to the doc, a nurse instead, who told me over and over not to worry and just walk in I have heavier bleeding. Tak jawab soalan pun!

Was given a week MC, hubby said he would love that more than I do. I go to work anyway, but I have a sofa in my room, a very comfortable place to lie down and nap.

I'm trying to relax emotionally and physically. Emotionally,....yes, easy I should just stop bothering about the sandiwara by the politicians of our beloved country;). Physically...yup, think that is also ok...time to call my parttime helper now;).

There is one interesting thing happening soon that can take my mind of the worry a bit...starting Monday, myself and some others will sit and convert our PhDs into books. We will be supervised by two experts. I'd just love that, the university came out with the idea to have more materials published, that way there would be wider utilisation of the thesis. And to me, I never thought I'd have my own book so soon...we are not very sure about how the books would be published or would they ever get to be published but this is the first step. Hubby joked, he knew that only one person would buy my book, it didn't bother me at all;).

Digressing....anyway, all I can do now is continue praying! And please, if you have any suggestions to share, about the pregnancy, not the book;)...please do, thanks.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ros, hope for best ya. Byk2 doa. sofhib

10:53 AM  
Anonymous lilian said...

I don't know if what I tell you will give you false hope or make you feel better. When I had my second son, I bled too and I already signed the D&C form for the operation in another three days. The ob-gyn said the baby never grow, no heartbeat.

But I went back for another opinion with my own ob-gyn (earlier he balik kampung in USA) and he said my baby is thriving well. I 'felt pregnant' and that's why I refused to believe the D&C doctor. And yeah, I cried and cried, disbelief and reluctant to do the D&C earlier. That's my second son, the one you met. Dah besar panjang... So, whatever the outcome, you are in my mind.

11:20 PM  
Anonymous lyzaghazali said...

Dear Ros,
U just hang in there .. my prayers will be with you and baby ..

Love, Lyza

1:19 PM  
Blogger Gart the Blue said...

you know what? Allah knows best. I hope whatever outcome this will bring you, it's what's best for you and teh family.

hang in there, sis. like youv'e done so many times before.


9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dah setahun dah since kita beranak kan? remember? our kids birthday only few days apart.

anyway, insyaAllah semua nye okay nanti. take care.

-mama haariz & idrees-

5:36 PM  
Blogger mama23beas said...

Thanks sofhib

Lil, thanks for sharing. I don't mind holding hope as long as it takes.

Thanks Lyza

Hey Gart, thanks...I didn't know you're in blogspot now.

halina..thanks, tukar nama blog ke ni? I'm sure your idrees pun lie adel dah practising jalan.

3:19 PM  

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