Thursday, August 14, 2008

It really is not meant to be

After having about 39 days of little brown spotting, 10 days of normal period-like bleeding, 6 hospital visits, 7 docs, 6 scans, I finally miscarried naturally at about 8.00 last night. No pain and no more blood. Clean and neat.

I still ask myself just why I put myself to all the above and subjected myself to the 'agony' of waiting. I just should let the nature takes its course.

But I was just more interested to know what happened to my body, to prepare and understand what really went on.

I had allowed myself some time to grieve and to find closure. Alhamdulillah, my prayer has been answered. I'd prayed for some strength to face any outcome calmly and easily.

Though I'm accepting, I just can't help it but to think about the cause for it. After 4 symptomless, healthy pregnancies in 6 years, just why the difference now. I remember being all stressed up just prior to the trip to UK, I didn't eat well, I got dehydrated, I lost temper easily. I still dread the thought that I might already conceived that time.

Whatever it is, things happen for a reason and Allah knows best.

Anyway, I will always remember how it happened. I returned to the book workshop after the hospital visit, and it happened when I was talking to one of the participants about her book. I just excused myself and went to the ladies.

Today morning, I went for another check-up, things looked great and I didn't have to do D&C. But I still have to return in two weeks. Though hospital visits is something I hate to do, I'm satisfied with all the tests and scans. The staffs were thorough and I'm so glad that I was given option to wait and let it happen naturally.

I have nothing against D&C but if I have the choice, I rather let my body does it naturally.

We will find a place to bury the POC or the demised embryo, I'm still having problem to find a proper word for it;). POC is what the doc wrote in the paper...Product of Conception (?).

All I want to do now is to be with the kids but I have a few more hours to concentrate on the book.

Again, thanks for all encouraging words and prayers.

8 Comments:

Blogger mumsgather said...

I am so sorry. What an emotional roller coaster it must have been for you.... the drama with the docs. Please take care of yourself during this time. Emotionally as well as physically. Hugs.

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Agnes Tan said...

I feel sorry for what you went through. Be strong and please kiss your beautiful children for me. They are so adorable.

1:06 AM  
Anonymous lilian said...

*hugs* Glad you did it naturally and not going through the impersonal D&C. The first one I had? 'It' got discharged at the hospital toilet and when I showed it to the lady doc, she threw the whole thing into the dustbin and I had to go through D&C! The second time I had D&C, at least my male ob-gyn came and held my hands and talked to me nicely. Too bad he apek Cina, tak hensem. Hahaha.

Sad to say but I can feel your pains, dear. My #1 and my #4 pregnancies ended the same way. OMG, that means, I pregnant 7 times already! Never wrote these down cos still quite raw.

Take your time to grieve over the loss. Take care of your foods and pantang sikit jugak tau? Cos we Chinese treat it like a mini post-natal to heal the womb.

3:10 AM  
Anonymous a&a'smom said...

Ros, I'm also very sorry to hear this. I too had miscarried after Abj. Pls take care.

12:28 PM  
Anonymous Yatie SawaNiLa said...

HI ros.... sorry for your lost. please take and have a good rest.

9:23 AM  
Blogger mama23beas said...

Thx MG

Thx Agnes, the kids really take my mind of the sadness

Thx Lil, the docs in UMMC said they would allow moms to wait as long as no fever, heavy bleeding it should be ok to miscarry naturally. One doc asked for the POC but she let us have it when I said we wanted to bury it. I'm watching what I eat now. Yes, yang sejuk-sejuk is not advisable to take.

a&a's mom...thanks, only moms thah have gone through it understand the feeling.

Thanks yatie...it's hard to rest with four kids jumping around but I'm trying;)

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

assalamualaikum, wonder if you remember me? i'm liza we were chatting in the sky all the way to london remember?? mashaallah, we both suffered the same tragic experience and that's scary..i happened to be pregnant as well (i didn't know at that time when i met you) i was 3 and a half months pregnant and had a miscarriage just before ramadan in uk and i went thru the erpc operation. i buried my baby here in england at the muslim baby cemetery..only God knows how i feel..it's ironic that you are going thru the same..hard to believe it .. since i know you as well..it's meant to be..we will try again won't we? well, i will be back to ipoh on the 26th sept. you r most welcome to visit me whenever you're in ipoh ok..love, liza xxx

8:22 AM  
Blogger mama23beas said...

Liza...of course I remember you! I just wait for your return before giving you a call.
I was shocked first when I read the rest. That's so sad and heart-breaking, well actually I wept a little. I also only found out after my return from the UK. Even the age of our pregnancies were the same, but I miscarried just days earlier than you. Did you do a 'proper' burial for the baby? I have a lot to ask, I wish I can have your number again...that's why I'm glad you wrote here. The number is somewhere but I think it is faster if you give that to me again...so sorry for that! My email again rosfmuhammad@yahoo.co.uk

Hope to see you soon, lepas raya maybe!

9:45 AM  

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