Would my kid ask the Q?

We are having a seminar on Seismic Hazards in our department for a week. Yesterday, I had a friend came to listen to the talk. In my group of friends, I mean the ones who graduated from U, the most popular topic discussed during our meetings is mainly on how to earn more money, who is doing what job, who drives bigger car or again basically it is about money. So, this topic is also a favourite to my friend.

Something he said is really disturbing to me, that I just got to blog it. But before that, let me just explain a bit about my job: I'm a lecturer, holds a PhD. Not only teaching, I do research. I chose the job (as I'm sure I would love doing it forever, or at least till I retire), and worked hard to get this job, had a hard times but overall enjoyed every bit of the journey before getting here. It gives me flexible working time, which make it possible for me to be with my kids in between works. And I love my job. But for a lot of people, the salary sucks!
Anyway, over here it is flexible, there are oppurtunities to do consultation job to earn more (money), but off course you have to work more. It is all up to individual. While I sometimes wish to own bigger of everything (I mean house, cars...) most of the time I'm just happy as at the moment we have a roof over our heads, and more often than not, more than enough food to eat.

So, the conversation started with our jobs. This friend started giving me suggestions to improve (or basically to earn more money and recognition). I was fine with it, inspirational. I did mention that eventhough I'm ambitious, being a mother and a wife, I really have to think carefully before making any commitments which may take more time away from my family. Here, we got into a little argument. He insisted that as parents, we must show our kids how to be successful, the kids observe what we do and will understand and respect us for good examples that we show them. I agree with that, but insisted that if 'succesful' here means more time is taken away from them, I may chose not to go ahead with it. Argument went on, but he surprised me with this question:

How would you feel when your daughter grows up and understand your situation, asks you "Mama, why ah...that time when you are a associate Prof. or Professor, you had this oppurtunity to make a lot of money, you did not take it?" Would you feel sad, or would you regret it if you can't provide the 'best' for your kids.

So, that's the golden Q...and for a few seconds, I was speechless. Taking a deep breath, I told him, if I sense (through the Q) my kid's interest with my money, there is something wrong somewhere with my parenting. Thinking that it was going nowhere, I chose to end the conversation. But before that, I reminded him to be grateful to have his wife (she got retrenched some time ago, and the husband once complaint of having to be sole-breadwinner) at home taking care of their daughter.

On the way back, I related the conversation with hubby (also a friend to my friend). He just smiled and said that I should have asked my friend if he ever asked the question to his parents.

Back home, looking at my Bea1 playing with a flower that she picked from the grass, I thought would she one day ask me why I could not afford to send her to further her studies in a uni. of her choice. And would she ask why I don't work harder to make us rich. Still a long way to go, but I strongly feel it will depend on how I raise her.

She came up to me and showed me how she moved the stem of the little flower in between two fingers and said "look, ma...it's a helicopter!" She is so precious, the responsibility to raise her, to instill good values in her sometimes gives me a shudder!