Friday, September 02, 2005

With a heavy heart, I quit!

*Hanging head in shame* Think in almost everything that I've done, I'd never quit this fast. But it really should be this way!

I would only take the plunge to do the 3.5 km run tomorrow if I know there is hope for me after that. These few days, I looked for more info on the programme and found out that though they will only be sending the best candidates to Russia in December, the other tests such as aerophysical tests will be done in September. The candidates also are expected to have other tests in these coming 4 months. And after talking to a staff in ANGKASA just now, it is the end for me.

Papa22beas was the one who forced me to sign up the application for reasons that I really stand a good chance, being a PhD holder as we thought the programme was all about research and a scientist could be one of the best candidates, and to him, I'm quite fit;). I, on the other hand thought he should be the one. He was accepted in one flying school, despite his love to fly, turned it down after passing through interviews and tests. The reason was after much thought, he said he'd rather be with the family. I slapped my forehead and thought "ahh...rugi, rugi" *kidding only la*!

Think he is a bit dissapointed on how this whole thing ends, but he was also the one who said "tak pergi pun tak apa!" after we watched the launch of the run that was held in Terengganu. He was just afraid I get knocked down by others;), and the thought of premature birth adds more to it;).

The application was done in Dec. 2003. After a long silence, I thought I was out already. Now that the real selection is being done, and things get a bit euphoric to me that I was actually still in.

Talking to him two nights ago:
Me: You know why now that I'm so interested...the sight of the earth from up there, seeing the beauty of Allah's creation! It would be a miracle! Can we experience that without having to go to ISS?

papa22beas: We can always appreciate it from anywhere, want me to come out with "hadiths" and Quranic verses?

Me: I know what you mean time ok, want to go to sleep. So, seriously abe, no regret if I let this one go!

I hope one of the best 8-10 will be a woman! While the best candidates will spend 11/2 years in Russia for the training etc, I will be very much doing the same thing. I will be in and out of caves in Perlis, Kedah and Perak studying records of climate in the past preserved in the cave sediment, lugging around my breastpump. While the first Malaysian astronaut eats roti canai, and teh tarik;) in micro-gravity, I will witness that while nursing my baby (hopefully we can get to watch it live!).

Before I forget...talking about miracle, having a creature inside me, knowing the he/she is alives because I'm alive, feeling she/he kicks about is very much a miracle to me. Just like 5xmom mentioned here. I don't have to go that far!

I apologise to all my friends: 5xmom, lrong, annie, belacan (sori ya, no mama22beas on the Star), mjey, shamira, laramommi, ninuk and all those in MMB who had wished me luck!

And to lrong, instead of saying this to your friends:

"hey, my 'friend' is an astronaut, ok... don't play me ah..."

Hopefully one day, you can say this instead:

"hey, my 'friend' ah, got a daughter/son who is an astronaut, ok... don't play me ah..."

Now, still hoping...;)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

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6:33 PM  
Blogger 5xmom said...

Well, mama2beas, I guess there is some wisdom there. 'Cos looking at the amount of kutuk-ing from the rakyat in general, I now do wonder how the applicants will feel. 'Cos it seems like sending tourists with good stamina than sending someone well-learnt. I dunno la, the thought of the 3.5KM sort of took the awe away. I was expecting the selection to be like the movie Men In Black. Hahaha.

6:35 PM  
Blogger ninuk said...

I was reading about the run and selection and one 1 lady fm Sabah (a farmer's daughter) was one of the finalist. It's ok Mama2beas ... may be next selection ... To see the wonder of Allah dari mana-mana pun boleh - janji hati mau terbuka dooong !
Lil - rakyat memang suka kutuk mengutuk - biorrle yg suka mengutuk ni, kang penat nanti senyap sendiri le.

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Maria said...

Think about it, I envy you so much, at least you have the chance and gut to try it, not many preggie will even want to think about it.
and I think it is always be next time.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

I think the best candidate should be one which is qualified both in terms of fitness and education.

1:08 PM  
Blogger sri said...

hey, i'm so proud of you for even coming this far. great job, and i'm sure your baby's gonna be very proud of its mama.

4:44 PM  
Blogger mjey said...

There is always next time....and yeah you never could be one of your kids! Still proud of you girl!

9:59 AM  
Blogger mjey said...

There is always next time....and yeah you never could be one of your kids! Still proud of you girl!

9:59 AM  
Blogger mjey said...

There is always next time....and yeah you never could be one of your kids! Still proud of you girl!

10:00 AM  
Blogger Mama22Beas said...

Hi everyone, just came back from 2 days leave! Thanks for all the comments, yes...198 are qualified for the next round and 3 of them are women!

Lil and Ninuk...about people kutuk-ing, frankly I also have some doubts but rather not be too vocal about it!
Najib says:
"We hope the space programme will spur more Malaysians to pursue a career in space studies and encourage local scientific and space industries"

So at the same time, I hope this prog. will maybe kickstart such mission. And not merely becomes one of those "Malaysia Boleh" things, off course we 'boleh' as this oppurtunity comes with a package with the purchase of the military jets from Russia...something like if we don't take it, rugi lah! But don't want after that, senyap aje!

And the talk to send one to the Moon by 2020, I really hope this will provide a good base/ground for Malaysian scientists...or maybe that will attract those who are overseas to come back and serve the country as as far as I know, the campaign to bring Malaysian scientists abroad home is not very succesful!

Hey, this deserves one blog on its own but since now I'm only an observer, no need la...just wait and see how things go!

Ninuk, I've answered your comments on the other older posts...go and read, ok;).

Thanks...when I first applied it, I was preg. with Bea2. And after the long silence, I thought I was out already...and you know right, that the 3rd baby is a surprise baby;) it's all about timing only!

Agree...but can I add something, I hope someone with the right aptitute, who has a pure passion with space, a sheer determination and focussed and know what is expected from him/her from this prog;)
Dammit, that sounds like me...ok, kidding only. I opted out as I'm currently 34 weeks preg., a bit dissapointed as I never quit this fast but seriously, would not want it in any other to have this baby! Not my rezeki to go to space!

Sri and mjey...thank you so much...I have no idea but your words almost bring tears to my eyes! Thanks for the support...I felt awful the last few days but prayed that Allah will make it easy for me!

9:59 AM  
Blogger Mama22Beas said...

I forgot something...on the selection part that 5xmom mentioned. Since the response was overwhelming, 11,000+ applicants...think it is the only way to narrow down the search! I was surprised too, as I thought the 1 year plus silence was used to really screen the best candidates, but since they said it was opened to everybody, that's the only way lah!
Can't wait to see who is the finalist!

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Mrs B said...

For a minute I was worried that you will really run with baby in tummy! You are one determined lady

7:00 PM  
Blogger Lrong said...

Quote: I slapped my forehead and thought "ahh...rugi, rugi"

Had me rolling on the grass with that one...

I am already very proud to be able to say 'hey, I have a friend called Mama22Beas ok... don't play play with me ah...'

3:34 PM  
Blogger Mama22Beas said...

mrs b...hehe, I got other people worried too but seriously I would do it if the other tests are scheduled a bit later, I mean at least till after I deliver;).

lrong...thanks for taking time to read. I know you must have a lot to catch up after the long holiday!
About hubby, yeah...looking at his interest in anything to do with aviation/flying, sometimes I thought "why? why?"...but that's his choice!

4:59 PM  

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