Friday, July 01, 2005

A confused kid?

I noticed that Mrs B calls Mr B, de de. I'm wondering is it daddy, does Mrs B calls Mr B daddy?. I'm not sure about other race, but I came across a lot in Malay families with moms calling dads "abah" or "ayah", and dad calling moms "mama" or "ibu". Most people I talked to said, it is because they are teaching the kids to call daddies "abah" or "ayah", instead of "abang" or "ayang".

I never agree with this, and never liked the idea. So unromantic....besides, my husband is not my father! Well, I thought my kids would be ok and I'd teach them why papa is "abe" to me and "papa" to them.

That was then, and now it was different altogether. It is in our culture (maybe among Malays, only) that wives show respect to husbands, one way is by calling him "abang". It normally starts even before they get married, maybe during their engagement. Hubby was introduced to me by a mutual friend, we found out that we were actually in the same class in U a few years before that, but never spoke to each other. So, to me he was a friend, and we adressed each other "aku" and "kau". That continued till we got engaged. For both families, it was kind of rude and we were advised to change that to something nicer to their ears. To me calling him "abang' really made me uncomfortable, really "geli" one! But after awhile, he tried to address himself as "abe" (Kelantanese version of abang). "Abe" sound better to me and finally just before our wedding, I managed to stick to it till now.

As for hubby, though also "geli" tried to call me "yang". I kind of liked it but it was short-lived. It was stopped right after the birth of Bea1, he started calling me "mama", and his reason was he did not want our baby to call me "yang" too. And I was supposed to start calling him "papa" but after having difficult time adjusting from "kau" to "abe", then got to change again and I just refused.

And now, the blame is all on me. Bea1 calls her "papa", "abe"! When she started learning to talk, it was "papa", but after her birthday, we hear more "abe" than "papa". I know it may be just confusing to her and I always explain to her why papa is "abe" to me and "papa" to her, she seems to understand it but is still trying to get used to it. Funny, when she talks to me, she gets it right. For example: "Mama, papa mana?". But with hubby, it is "abe". An excerp from a conversation last night.

Bea1: Abe, tolong ambil botol air Trisya
Mama22beas: Papa (trying to correct her!)
Bea1: Papa, tolong ambil botol air Trisya

Part of me says, she will get it one day. The other part tells me to stop being stubborn and start calling papa22beas "papa"...arg!

9 Comments:

Blogger Twinsmom said...

hahaha...see? no choice lor, if I don't call Twinsdad "daddy", they will follow me call Twinsdad's name already, or I call "lou-kong" (abang), they will follow too.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Pompit said...

ne' mind .. they will get over it soon enuff. My niece and nephew used to call my mum Auntie Jegaya or Auntie Gegaya (Rogayah) instead of Tok coz that's what their friends called my mum in the Taska. It was really cute while it lasted.

My nephew also sometimes (like, your B) called either one of his parents by their name , Man or Annie, when he felt like it ... He's turning 4 now and he doesn't do it anymore ... So ... stick with your 'Abe' .......;)

10:39 AM  
Blogger Pompit said...

On another note, Dh wanted me to address him (I think) as A***g .. but I just refused because that was the term that his exes use ***ughhh ...shudder shudder shivering geli geli***

10:42 AM  
Blogger ninuk said...

Ros,
My husband and we were xclassmate looooong looooong time ago, masa zaman SPM dulu :)
So don't know lah, no kids time we called each other by name, eversince school time dulu le. Now with kids, he called me by my name or Mak and I called him Ayah. Anyway, it is not just the words, but how it is said also make a difference :)

9:09 AM  
Blogger Mama22Beas said...

twinsmom...emmm, think even "lou kong" sound better than "abang"...uh, geli!

pompit...thank you, thank you. That gives me hope. Anyway, think Bea1 is improving. And so far, no prob with Bea2...it is just that sometimes she calls hubby "mama";).

Ninuk...thanks for reading (sori ya...my blog where you put your first comment is deleted!). Ya I know, it is just not a word...but I was kind of upset la that time when suddenly no more "yang" from him. Summore, hubby is not a romatic type at all. Anyway...it is not really a big deal, right;).

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Mrs B said...

hehe. when we got married, the pastor was talking in passing how this couple addressed one another as dar, dar. What the heck is dar dar? to which the man sheepishly replied was short for darling, but that they were too shy to use the term outloud. I thought it was cute but Mr B did not and I would tease him by calling him de de short for dear dear.
I hardly ever use that term now, just dear or his name outloud when I'm mad with him!

But I know what you mean, I prefer the girls to call me mama but Mr Bel would equally insists on mommy (which I dont find so endearing since I grew up on mama).

1:41 PM  
Blogger Mama22Beas said...

Ooooo...:0, like dat ka? If it is short for dear dear, ok la...to me it is cute! Wonder why Mr B did not think so!
Anyway, thx Mrs b for dropping by;)

3:38 PM  
Blogger mjey said...

Ros...

Hubby calls me in many ways...sayang,ju,babe,...i call him sayang mst of the times or just Balan his name..and you what shaveena..will call me amma most times..but if she is upset..or just being naughty..she will call out my name!and same goes for hubby....papa at one time...otherwise she will just call him Balan!!! iyo kids!!..

4:35 PM  
Blogger Mama22Beas said...

Hi mjey...kids, they surely pick up things very fast!

11:38 AM  

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